Nourishing your Marriage
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by: Janice Lipman
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Word Count: 640
Even the most stiff marriage needs a little care every now and then to avoid it from becoming cold. Follow these recommendations on how to nurture a marriage, and show your spouse how much you care about maintaining a healthy relationship.
1. Stay away from becoming your spouse's enemy. Rather than competing with your husband for other peoples' attention, at a dinner party, for example, feel confident in your capability to engage the listener. Give yourself a zest talk, if required. If you feel that your spouse is making you out of place in social gatherings, sit down and talk to him about what you feel. Your spouse is not your competitor and making small things larger cannot help in reaching a healthy relationship.
2. Show a bit of involvement in the passion of your spouse even if you do not have the same enthusiasm. For example, if your spouse enjoys shopping for antiques, offer to go along for the ride. Likewise, request your spouse to relax with you in the garden. It is not really needed to have the same hobbies with your spouse because before you got married, you both know that you have dissimilar personalities as well as interests. But these diversities should not be a reason in order for the couple to go on separate ways. Treat the differences in your personas as spices in your married life and use it to make it more solid.
3. Know how to argue. Do not yell on the past arguments and issues, instead, focus on the real situation why you are angry. Likewise, never put down your spouse, and be aware of the other's feelings. Establish that just because you argue, the marriage is not lost. It does not mean that when you are arguing; you are bound to separate or to go on divorce. Arguing is a way for the couple to know more about each other and a test on how well you carry yourself even if you are in a state like this. The important thing to never forget when arguing is to let the other talk and the one part is to listen. Talking and screaming at the same time has no point. Learn to keep your cool and remember that all issues can be fixed when you have proper communication.
4. Always be faithful with your spouse. Nothing can damage a marriage faster than a spouse who has cheated. Show your warmness for each other each day, and find small, but meaningful, ways to connect. Hold hands in public, offer a hug and kiss at the end of the workday, and do not forget to respect each other. Dating at random times can also help.
5. Accept the reality that the give-and-take relationship is not balanced in a marriage. Although you should neither give nor always take, you have to be keen, at times, to give more than you receive. If you feel that your spouse is acting in a different way, or she may be detached to you. Ask her and talk about your concerns because she might be feeling taken for granted and she may need hugs, cuddles and affection from you.
The marriage is all about two people coming together and giving out with each other about who they are and what they can learn as a team. The couples that stay married are the ones that grow old together and take from one another. They acquire happiness from filling themselves up and then sharing that love with their spouse. More importantly, always that your spouse is your best friend. When couples sustain the friendship in the marriage, then they know that they have a friend in their spouse to be there for the good times and the bad times, in sickness and in health and most important to have a friend to grow old with.
About the Author
Jeanne W. Harter is a guidance counselor and a Psychology teacher in the University in Arizona. She is currently in her Masters education in Psychology, studying in the same school where he is working. She also have 3 kids and have been married for 20 years with a businessman. You can also read her writings on how to save marriage where she is also a co author. http://josephwestberry.typepad.com/blog/2012/01/prevent-divorce-before-it-takes-you.html
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